The FOODA Loop: Why We Say the Wrong Thing (Even When We Know Better)

Elliott: This is the Maine Responder Podcast. Real conversations about work, the pressure, and the lives shaped by service. There's no single lane here, no script, just honest talk. Let's get into it. Backward, another quick episode here. This one's about decision making. Decision making at times has probably been some of the, well, best and absolute worst moments in my life. I was gonna say career, but my life. I mean, we make so many decisions a day. And they're not all gonna be perfect. So at work, we like to eat. Just like at home, maybe you're on a date, maybe you're out with your husband or your wife, and you ask the simple question, where do you wanna go to dinner? Or at work for me, where do you wanna go to lunch? And nobody knows, right? So we'll sit there for 10 minutes, we'll all throw out options. What do you feel like? What do you feel like? And we all get shot down, and somehow we end right back. to where we started. It's a simple decision, but we made it really complicated. I've started to call this the FUTA loop. Nobody actually decides anything. We just go round and round, options, opinions, and we end up right back where we started. Now take that same loop and put it into a real moment where there's some pressure, some emotion. And that's where FUTA loop is cute, but that's where it kind of stops being funny. Sometimes you wonder why do you experience people, good people make Uncharacteristic decisions under pressure. don't think it's a lack of training. It's something else. Maybe it's some kind of a like physiological fog, that moment where your body takes over and your thinking just gets a little bit off and it's basically just a reaction. And, and if you've been there, you know exactly what I mean. That moment where you just kind of feel yourself getting hot. You have to make a decision. The emotions are starting to come into play, but you want to, you want to temper that you want to control that. I'm talking about the day to day, the conversations, right? The conversations you have, the relationships that you build, and the way you should respond to that. This isn't about emergencies, not the decision you have to make in a split second, something that's happening right now. That's what we're training for. We fall back onto our training and our experience, and we make those quick split second decisions. This is about, like I said, this is about something else. Those moments where someone says something that makes your blood pressure rise. You know, something that they say just doesn't hit you right. You feel a little disrespected. Your patience starts to disappear. Maybe a little ego gets involved, but those moments feel legit, you know? Because you ever have that moment where you're thinking it through and you're right on the edge of saying something and you know whatever is going to come out of your mouth isn't going to help the situation, and then you just say it anyway, you know? That's how fights start. Or you say your piece and it should be over. And then you add one more thing just, just to make sure that it lands. Boom. Or maybe it's not even in person, right? You're texting or you're sending an email. So you type it out, you read it. You know exactly how it's going to come across. And then you hit send anyway. That's what this is about. Not those big moments. It's the small ones that add up, but they end up being incredibly important. Like I said, they're about relationships and how you treat others. I've had plenty of those moments, ones that I'm not proud of, where emotion took over. I didn't respond the way I should have. Looking back, I can see it. I was protecting something, again, whether it was an ego or control, whatever it was in that moment, but it just felt justified. Maybe it even felt good after I said it. The problem isn't that we feel emotion. The problem is when emotion makes the decision for us. And of course, there's a reason for this. When something hits you, You know, the conflict, bad news, that pressure, your brain doesn't start in logic, it starts in survival. The emotional part of your brain fires first, faster than you can think. And your thinking brain, the part responsible for judgment, that takes a second to catch up. And that little gap there where it hasn't caught up, that's where the bad decisions live. Your brain, of course, is trying to win that moment, not make the best decision in the moment. So what can you actually do with that? Because again, this isn't about being perfect. It's about always trying to be just a little bit better. And the first thing for me, I mean, like I said, I have many moments that I'm not proud of, but I take those moments and I try to say, how do I avoid this in the future? And I think the first thing for me is to recognize it. You recognize that shift when the tone changes and when your patient starts to drop. You feel the pressure building. That's your signal. And you have to listen to that. You have to, you have to accept that. And when you can feel it, you have to figure out a way to interrupt it. And that's where the pause comes in. Not a long pause or a big reset, just a few seconds. Because if you've ever said something and watch someone's face right away, you can literally see their face getting red. That's how things escalate that moment. And that shift. You can actually see that happening if you're paying attention. And if you can see it, you still have time to adjust. And finally, Respond, don't just react because reactions are automatic. That's easy. Decisions are intentional. That's the difference between something you regret and something that you can stand behind later on. And listen, this isn't about getting it right every time. You won't. I certainly don't. But again, if you can recognize it, interrupt it, and choose your response, you're already ahead of many. I try to do this every time. I don't always get it right. It's tough because a lot of people will lose control in those, in those big moments and even in the small moments that you'll small ones start to add up. And so just a couple of tips, things that have worked out, take a few seconds that the way you don't get stuck in your own version of the food loop reacting, never actually deciding how you want to respond. This is a quick one, everybody. Thanks for listening. And as always, stay safe.