Ep. 10 - You Good? The Simple Side of Wellness We Forget

Elliott: Another episode. Today's podcast is going to be, it's going to be a short one. busy week, life gets in the way a little bit. but I just want to make sure that we kind of kept keep the going. week, the episode Matt Leach, I just, I thought was great. Informative, ⁓ a really solid conversation. fact, after releasing the episode, had cigar with some friends, ⁓ obviously, who listened. We talking about some of the things that came up in that podcast, like the boundaries, balance and what we're seeing. part of that conversation, I was questioning, what I've gotten wrong. What's some of the people, at my department are doing right? maybe in my mind, I kind of frame that in a ⁓ more negative way. So it was kind of cool. It was a really good conversation. made me kind of reframe some things that ⁓ I don't think are right, they just might be right. I to change my way of thinking around it. So ⁓ and you know what? That's what this podcast is for reflection, connection, just kind of talking this out, thinking it through, ⁓ out loud. one of the things ⁓ that I think is really cool from, from all this ⁓ is that we've got some guests lined up ⁓ over next few weeks and I'm excited about it. ⁓ going to be fantastic. I'm grateful and I hope that this is helpful in some way, but you know what? ⁓ Even with that, it's kind of helpful for me. Maybe that's selfish, but it's helpful for me to talk is the main responder podcast. ⁓ Real conversations about work, the pressure ⁓ and the lives shaped by service. There's no single lane here, no script, just honest talk. Let's get into it. sometimes when I'm driving, to work, something will come ⁓ into my mind and I'll a voice note so I don't forget about it. And it's funny because I did a voice note this week and it was very similar to a voice note that I was reviewing ⁓ that I've done in a, a previous week. maybe it's just time, to do this one. this one's for the, for the command staff. you know, for the chiefs. ⁓ regardless, think every something in here for for everyone. ⁓ the overarching goal here is wellness. readiness, right? Obviously something I'm passionate about, I do spend a lot of time thinking about. And I one of the things I've been thinking about lately that it's interesting the conversations around wellness feel heavy and can feel negative. It can feel like every time you talk about wellness, it stems from something bad, right? a piece of wellness is about being preventative. But we, you we didn't start there. The whole movement, I think, came from bad times. I think that's what I'm thinking. The whole wellness in first responders, ⁓ emergency services, ⁓ it comes from mistakes in bad times because we didn't always know how to do it the right way. Tough calls, bad calls or bad decisions, things that went wrong, something traumatic. or something leadership failed to do. Right. There's there's truth to that. lot what I we've learned comes from those times where things didn't go well, things that hurt people and that shit sticks like Velcro. point of those experiences, the negative ones, is to learn from them, not to repeat them, It's to do the work so that we don't stay stuck in them. And sometimes I think we spend so much time focusing on what went wrong that we forget to talk about what actually went right ⁓ and what that might look like. And that's where I want to shift this because because this part. we hear it all the time, and I've said this before, wellness starts at the top. Culture starts at the top. Leadership is responsible. And agree that to a But that doesn't mean it has to live completely at the top. You know, last week If I recall correctly, we talked about how wellness maybe should be carried by the middle supervisors, right? The chief command staff should absolutely support it. be a part of it, but where does it really live? And it really lives on the shift. And I think that's where the conversation can get a little bit ⁓ off. So when I back to like what, to when I started and it's funny because my, my career ⁓ started basically because someone show up to work. it's true. I moved to Maine and put in a bunch of applications. Somehow my application ended up on the right desk at the right time ⁓ and I guess there wasn't a position open because they just hired somebody. The guy didn't show up and there was the space for me. and everything worked out and I am grateful for that and I still am very grateful for that. But it wasn't perfect, ⁓ my career. ⁓ Not even close. There were ⁓ right the beginning, times in the academy, in my career where things weren't smooth at all. I was actually going through a divorce at the time. And I remember being at the Academy feeling so locked down. And all that I could think of was, ⁓ I going to be able to see my daughter regularly? ⁓ ins and outs of a divorce, right? And if anybody unfortunately has gone through one of those, ⁓ know all the things you think about. It was heavy and it was heavy to be going through that and be in my head with that while trying to learn at the Academy. And I love being a dad. Thankfully things worked out. in the moment it didn't always feel ⁓ like would. But like I said, I love being a dad. That's something that's always been important to me, tops for me. And at that time it just felt like that could be completely ripped away from me. ⁓ And at the Academy... I felt like it put me in a position where, where I couldn't fight back and you're sitting there and you're trying to focus on training and you're trying to do what you need to do, but your mind is somewhere else. you're physically present, but for me, you know, my mind was just absolutely, elsewhere. But hey, I made it. I graduated and, got into the day-to-day stuff at the department and our department, it wasn't perfect either. whose is? You know, there was days where you'd walk in and you could cut the tension with a knife. And I know people are, they go through this, they see the same things. People weren't getting along. There were dynamics, personalities, all kinds of issues. But looking back, and I think one of the... parts that really matters here, at least for this conversation, is that it all wasn't because of the top guy, the guy in the corner office. You know, fact, for me, I think the chief at the time gave me a lot of opportunity. He allowed me flexibility. He gave me space to navigate what was going on in my personal life while still being able to do the job. And I look back on that now and I realize that was wellness. And it didn't look like what we call wellness today, but it was, it was, I would argue all day long that it was wellness. I remember a call and it was, one of those calls that a lot of us have had. ⁓ and this one doesn't matter what, where you serve, cop fire, EMS. ⁓ behind the desk in dispatch, we've all had those calls that involve kids, and those are the ones that, sneak up on you. And I remember my chief saying two words to me. You good? That was it. And I think today we're quick to say, we know that's not enough. You can't just say you good and We need more. We need peer support. We need structure. We need programs. And we do. We absolutely do. I'm not arguing that. But one thing I can say from my heart... In that moment, for me, it was enough. And I still remember it. I still remember the two words. We were passing each other in the hallway. He knew the call I just came from. He said, you good. And I felt 100 % supported. and I don't even know that I realize this at the moment, but what it did for me is it just gave me, it allowed me the opportunity to say, hey, chief, do you have a minute? And you know, I don't know, my chief knew me. I think he knew me well, you know, and there's a, and here's the key, there's a benefit and a value in knowing your staff, right? So that you know what's appropriate. You know what to say to them. so that they feel supported. And that's where the command staff and the chiefs, that's what's important. I know... There's some departments that are so big that that's probably impossible. But for the small departments that, what I'm comfortable speaking to, you can know your people and you can know that everybody's going to be. just slightly different, need a little something different. really is, value in knowing you're taking that time and knowing your staff. ⁓ I don't want minimize the simple things that, know, and I don't want to overcomplicate this to the point that, you know, it's just sometimes we forget just showing up and asking someone if they're okay. Is important. I remember you know, sitting down with my and talking to him. And this is, this is a switching gears a little bit here, but it matters because now I'm in my mind, I'm going through all the cool things that were really, we didn't call them wellness, but they were so important. And I think back and how important they were, ⁓ to me, I remember I'd be sitting down questioning everything. in law enforcement, how we do things, thinking I knew it all. And we would sit down sometimes for hours to talk about leadership, what I thought I knew, he had learned. And, you know, I think we would just go back and forth. And when I think about our leadership conversations, those are fond memories. We'd talk shop for hours. I'd be on shift and he'd be getting home late. ⁓ it's, know. right, didn't mess with my life. I was on shift, but he'd be there. It would be dark. It would be after dinner and we'd still be talking about whatever it was, the topic of the day. And it's funny because it makes me think of last week's episode because it really hit home when Matt Leach talked about responder families and specifically he talked about first responder spouses. And I just want to play it in case you didn't hear it. I'm only married because of my wife and her willingness. to sit through some challenging days. I'm humbled by that because I do think first responders spouses are built different. I do I think there I think there I think they're way tougher than we give them credit for typically tougher than the first responder. I think there's something to that. My chief's wife supported that. let's think about that for a minute, because this has been on my mind. He'd be there sitting there for hours with me, talking to, you know, not just me, there were others. ⁓ meanwhile, he's late for dinner, maybe late for reservations. Who knows, right? And his wife supported that. that was just to me, that's just awesome. And it's one of those things that gets overlooked. And it shouldn't go unnoticed and selfishly. It never really occurred to me to say thank you to her. And so I'm saying it now. Thank you. Those conversations, I'll never forget them. And I know now that I was supported. by her as much as I was by him. And it's one of the things we don't think about enough. again, one of those things that came from the conversation last week and I've just been reflecting on and if I'm being honest, when I look at my career, I followed in the footsteps of the leader that came before I learned our values were aligned. I knew back then, but even now more so, and maybe just because I'm getting a little older, that could be the thing too. but our values were aligned and probably still are aligned, I imagine. And even if I didn't fully understand my values at the time, reflection is interesting. yeah, so hail to my chief ⁓ and his entire family. So. You know, you fast forward, you end up in that corner office and that that chair. And it's funny because I remember thinking that all the stuff you complain about, ⁓ patrol, all the assumptions that you make, the things that you think are ⁓ simple and there's a better way. Boy, changes when you're sitting in that office. ⁓ Now you're dealing with ⁓ all the that people don't see. the rules, the regulations, the responsibilities, liability, the risk management of the whole thing. It's a, it's a much bigger picture. And sometimes there isn't, you know, when you have to make decisions, there isn't a clean, good option. Sometimes you're choosing between two really hard outcomes ⁓ and yeah, you know, those decisions don't, don't look anything like wellness. They may even go completely against one person or a group because you're trying to protect the whole. So yeah, so that's a hard thing to sit with. And then, know, after tough decisions that need to be made you've got opinions. Right. People see the piece of the decision and they react to that piece. Right. That's human nature. I get it. But they don't always see the full picture. I think they never see the full picture. And that's what can be tough, frustrating and even like at times hurtful because, know, but it comes with the job. I once heard someone say that paper doesn't refuse ink. ⁓ It especially doesn't refuse the invisible ink on the job description. So. ⁓ because before of the stuff that we're getting into now, ⁓ the wellness and all that, we've, kind of have seen what works. We've, some of us have experienced it. We just didn't call it wellness at the time. You know, for me, it was the flexibility when I needed when things weren't perfect, it was the conversations that stuck with me. And yeah, in, in, a moment for me passing in the hallway, it was two words, you good. That was was wellness. So maybe this isn't about, creating something brand new. Maybe it's about remembering what actually worked, knowing what will work for your particular staff. And doing and doing more of it, right, that makes it kind of easy, you know, because at the end of the day, I continue to say it doesn't always look like a program. It doesn't always look like a policy. And when I say policy, I mean, the written document within an agency. don't mean like big policy, state policy, ⁓ the politics of it, because I think that that's very important. But sometimes it looks like a conversation and it looks like flexibility. It looks like leadership, people don't even realize it's happening. And sometimes it sometimes they realize it when the person's not even around. So it's interesting, it's, it's, ⁓ policing with a purpose. It's taking care of our people. I'll wrap this up, but sometimes it's just two words, you good. And just being there when they say chief, you got a minute. Stay safe.